When I think back to October last year, I feel like I am looking over the terrain of a foreign landscape. How-- in the space of a year-- can I have had five jobs, had a stint back in school, lived in five homes in four different cities, struggled through a failed engagement and found a new love?

I know how. I just did it. I just followed my heart and did it.

I still have my doubts from time to time; it seems to be an essential sort of suffering for me. But basically, I am happy. And that’s what I was after. That’s all I will always be after.

I don’t chase happiness; I inhabit it. And I inhabit it best by being true to myself, by being honest and brutal, by destroying and rebuilding, by (in the words of my fabulous new room-mate) firing off rockets of desire. By choosing only to attract that which serves me best. By knowing myself well, and by treating myself in the way that I wish to be treated. By sharing my time and energy only with those who are able to reciprocate in a positive manner.

I am learning. The learning busts my (figurative) balls half the time, but it is so, SO worth it.

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Next weekend I will be heading to Kamloops to celebrate Halloween (and my little brother’s 28^th birthday) WITH my little brother. I haven’t ever partied with my brother on his Halloween birthday; not unless you count the days when ‘partying’ meant a pumpkin-shaped cake and extra candy for the clever boy who declared “and it’s my birthday, too!” when we went trick-or-treating. I bought him a sweet toy submarine for his hot-tub. Hopefully he’s not reading my blog these days…

My job is super, I love my students. I just signed up four more today; it has been pretty quiet (classes of only two to six students typically), but now that the major apple-picking season is coming to an end, we can expect to see more of the agricultural workers filtering in. The students are from all over the planet; the only doubling-up I’ve had is with two Punjabi ladies… I had to give them different partners, they kept on giggling and whispering in Punjabi! It was pretty cute, but a bit distracting for the more ‘serious’ students.

I hope to get a sort of newsletter made up so that I can show all of the former students (who are not currently attending classes) what a blast we are having and entice them to come back. ELSA (English Language Services for Adults) provides free ESL to immigrants, so if I’m offering some cost-free educational fun, who is going to turn me down?

Moving is going all right as well. Dad, Dave and I made a run down to Chilliwack to attack the storage container this past Saturday. It was a long haul—dad saw it as just a ‘day’s work’ – four hours there, four hours back. I typically don’t like travelling anywhere without getting a chance to BE where I am, and I was a little resentful of Dave, who slept for most of the trip. I can’t blame him, seeing as he was pulling through the final stages of H1N1… awfully generous of him to come and spend his nominal amount of energy on sorting through the dross of my previous life, while dealing with the flu that is casually knocking off members of our generation. Anyway, we packed the two vehicles full (and I was sick with disgust that I own SO MUCH STUFF) and left the rest in the storage unit, which I will continue to pay for until… well, until I can figure out what to do with random kitchen items and art history books and other bewildering items that have no current relevance.

This evening I will empty the vehicles with dad and try to cram the stuff into the tiny condo and my tinier bedroom… despite my apprehension, I am deliriously happy to be out on my own (so to speak) again. The condo is within walking distance of work, and I will finally be living in town; no more morning commute. I will be good for the environment! Or better for it, anyway.

I just discovered this morning that my best friend Corrin had her baby, a little girl named Talia. She really is just gorgeous—from what I’ve seen from facebook photos, anyway! I can’t believe that another tiny life has entered the world. I am in awe of the amazing people who procreate. I guess I’m just not there yet. I’m OK with that. Everyone else seems to be doing a fine job of keeping the population levels steady! Way to go, baby-makers! (And I mean all of this sincerely; if you’re reading any sarcasm into it, that’s YOUR mind, not mine!) Anyway, welcome baby Talia of Corrin and Mike! Welcome baby Benjamin of Tamara and Brad! Welcome baby Arlo of Maggie Ann and Josh! Welcome, welcome babies everywhere!

Hello, world. Is it September already?

What an amazing summer. I have been through so many changes and I have been engaged in the processes of change so thoroughly, that my usual perception of time seemed to simply... switch off.

When last I wrote, I scored a sweet job that ended up being a beautiful launching pad for an even sweeter job. I am now doing what I really wanted to do (teaching ESL) and more besides. I am teaching ESL in my own hometown in about the only place in town that has such a job available. Amazing, this is utterly amazing to me! That I could have fired off my rockets of desire and have so completely hit my targets!

Now, (as I do every September) I am working to re-balance my life; for most of the spring and early summer 'playtime' took precedence, then as I started working again, 'worktime' started to tip the scales. I want to work enough that I still have energy to play, and play enough that I still have energy to work. Actually, scrap that. I want my playtime to invigorate my worktime and vice-versa. Especially now that I am teaching (often) disheartened immigrants who believe that there is nothing fun in Penticton to do... I must prove them wrong! There is SO much to do, there really is. Tonight, for example, I will be at a networking event from 5-7pm, and then off to the opening of an art show my work is in from 7-9pm, and then from 9pm onwards I will be at the Legion, rocking out to some live music. Things are happening in this town, baby!

I am happening in this town!

I am a magnet! I am a fountain! I am a shooting star!

Positivity and optimism are wonderful seeds, and the rewards are excellent. Big juicy fruits of wonder and joy and abundance! I get good things, because I think good things. Because no matter what you think, you're going to be right. So wouldn't you rather be right about some good stuff?

I got the job. I do mean THE job, the one I wanted, the one that will serve me well in all of the wonderful ways I need. I'll be working as an employment facilitator (helping folks find work). This is ideal for me because of the opportunities I will have to connect with, and to help others in a meaningful way. Additionally, the staff are lovely people, empowered and full of hope and zest for service. I am excited. I start Monday. (The pay, the hours, and the benefits are nothing to scoff at either.)

Life continues to be sweet and full in the Okanagan Valley. I've had my fill of cherries; I do mean the real cherries, each one a mouthful, plump and full of black nectar. I went to the beach Blanket Film Festival last night; I watched the sunset on Okanagan lake as Ari Neufeld stunned the audience with his gorgeous music, and then settled with my friends into a bed of blankets and sand to watch some great Canadian cinematography. The air is hot, and the lake is warm. The air conditioning in the house is cool, and the invitations for fun and adventure stream forth.

And hey, that root canal I need isn't going to hurt too much, is it?

Oh, mother of god, I have a toothache... I had forgotten about pain, physical pain. I am lucky to be able to say that; to claim a nagging mouthy aching as my only present trouble. Well, that, and my inability to pay to have this trouble fixed.

There's that saying about the straw, the camel, and the broken back. I'm not saying that this toothache is the straw, but it is a straw, and the camel's back is broken. Fun is fun, and done is done, and this camel here is ready for some serious financial upgrades. So! Bring it on, Universe! All of your most dazzling and compelling and exciting jobs are speeding their ways to this here camel, who will peruse and choose, and be renewed; in body, mind, wallet, and mouth!

I have a good feeling about my work. I feel like I have been meeting the 'right' people, and that my razzle-dazzle has been shining appropriately in the right company. Hey, I am an excellent employee, and I know it. I am enthusiastic, punctual, and smart to boot. Who wouldn't want to hire me? The theatre work is alright, I like it, but it's just not paying the bills. A few more art gigs and another part-time (or THE full-time job of my dreams) and I should be set.

Did you get that, Universe? Bring it ON! I'm ready for all of the abundance that you are so willing to generously spill over me! I am here, and I am ready for YOU!

I had The. Best. Canada Day. EVER.

I went to Osoyoos with Dave, and soaked up the sun, ate an orange, swam in the lake and became coated in sparkling lake dust. Listened to live music, saw old friends, made new ones, ate prime rib, and watched fireworks. Goodness gracious, life is sweet, sweet, sweet.

I feel pretty good about where life is taking me right now; I am enjoying the ride, at least. God knows where I'll end up, but I feel good, and I think that THAT is 98% of the battle.

My art is blooming beautifully, and I am meeting all sorts of great people. I'm on the committee for a Street Art Festival that Penticton will be putting on in the autumn. I've joined a book club, I've tried Dragon Boating, I've seen lots of jazz shows, and mostly I've just been enjoying every juicy moment. I'm pretty sure that life can be like this all the time. Hey, not to say that it doesn't have bad and unpleasant bits (i.e. lost my mom's credit card- found it again, but still- almost missed a day of work due to miscommunication, smashed my toe and broke a plate)... but really, these are minor bumpy parts, strategically placed to remind me how good all the rest of it truly is.

I get a little jealous sometimes, of the women my age who have families, and are having babies of their own (at last count, seven of my friends are currently pregnant)... but all the rest of the time, I realize that I am exactly where I need to be, for me. I mean-- what would I do if I had a baby right now? Raise it in my parents' basement?! Don't think so. Nope, life is good, life is right. Here's to that! Cheers, my life!

Time has been flashing by in a most delightful fashion. I love, love, LOVE being back in the Okanagan Valley, particularly now that two things have sorted themselves out:

ONE) The weather... good god, the days are warm and luscious and the air is sweet and heady, and the lake is clean and refreshing. Mmmmm! Love it!

And TWO) I have a social life! A real one! I have been astounded by the way Penticton has grown over the years into an actual arts community. Ten years ago, I never would have guessed that there would be such an abundance of creative people enthusiastically shaping the community. Suddenly I am surrounded by musicians and artists and people that sing just for fun, and old friends who are newly joyful about developments in their own lives (marriages, babies, good jobs). The energy is electric.

All of this joyful enthusiasm is infecting my life in the most delightful manner. All of a sudden, I am painting again, drawing, THINKING about art; I am particularly excited about the way that one art can infiltrate another (influence? or INFILTRATE?). I painted a little canvas (see attached image- the first time I have added an image to my blog! I am so proud of myself!), and there is a bit of sheet music in the background of the image. (I can't read music, by the way; but I like the way the language of music looks). The new owner of the painting wrote a song based on the subject of the painting, and even used some of the music from the painting... and I, in my great gratitude and joy, spent hours last night drawing a portrait of the owner of the painting. There is a beautiful organic feeding, and sharing, and rhizomatic growth that occurs when creative individuals are well-met.

I am working in the local theatre-- I may have mentioned that. I'm not working enough or making enough money to cover my most basic expenses, so I am well aware that I've got to find some new sources of income post-haste. But I'm not worried... I feel like the world is working itself out in my favour. I may become the famous artist I've always wanted to be. Hey, let's be cocky about it, why not? I WILL achieve creative success in my lifetime. Why not?

:)

Ah, family. Setting - Fancy winery for mother's day breakfast.

Grandad: Endrené, you've got some food on your chin.

Endrené: (wipes chin vigourously with both hands) Did I get it?

Grandad: Nope, it's right-- there (points to own chin).

Endrené: (wipes again) Now? Is it gone?

Grandad: No-- ahh... I think it's just a big pimple.

Endrené: (affronted) What? (touches chin again) Ah, I think that's just my mole.

Grandad: What mole?

Endrené: Umm, well, it's been there for at least twenty years...

Grandad: Are you sure it's not a pimple?

I AM the Phantom of the Opera!

Well, I got the job. My techie/security part-time position at the Cleland theatre. Now I just have to learn the ropes and keep my job. Let's face it... electronic equipment? Microphones, wires, 'snakes', splitters, uh.... things I call 'thingers'? These things are not a natural part of my mind-set. I have a lot of lingo to learn. And some black clothing to buy.

I like the 'being in the theatre' part of the job. I like that I get to drift through the wings in the dark, spying and assessing. I like the feel of the theatre; the smell of it, the grandeur of the space, the sacredness of it. It's like a church, with swearing allowed.

Friday night was the Miss Penticton talent show. That was me, thirteen years ago. Strange to be on the other side of the experience, both in terms of my new job, and in that I have all those years behind me now. Would I do it again? Hard to say. But the girls really do get a lot out of the experience, in terms of an education not offered at school-- etiquette training, public speaking, some modelling training-- there are little things you learn about being a 'lady' that just aren't so important to the general populace anymore. Things like the correct way to get in and out of a car in a dress and high-heels, and how to go up and down stairs in a way that is most becoming. Sometimes when I think of these things, the feminist side of me scoffs. But the other (perhaps more powerful) non-feminist side of me is glad that I know these tricks of the trade. I mean, knowing the proper way to politely eat a whole artichoke... that is priceless.

Anyway. Today we're setting up a big screen. I'll be taking notes. I wonder what the show will be tonight?