I am back in Nanaimo... I had only been living here for a week before I left and went off on my adventure in Maui. As a result, Maui feels more like 'home' than Nanaimo. I'm having difficulty adjusting to the cold, the gray weather, the wet, the dark clothing and scowling drug addicts. Did I mention that the house is a block up from where the local hookers display their wares? The promise of spring (cherry blossoms, baby lambs, et al.) is about all that keeps me interested in my environment. Still, I can't help feeling annoyed that the sky isn't consistently blue, and there are no palm trees rattling merrily in the sea breeze...

I ought to be grateful for what is, while what is, is. And I can certainly do everything I can to make a more tropical place my 'home'. A few factors hold me back from this: a desire to please my family, and stay near(ish) to them; the feeling that it might be more 'grown-up' to tough it out and settle down on my home soil; the wanting to be close to my calming and solid partner, Nathan. Then again...

I'm done with winter. It used to be my favorite season, back when winter meant playing in the snow and skiing all season long. Who can afford to ski these days? And I would love a job, a regular job with regular income, and regular time off. Living somewhere far away (if it meant having a job) might actually mean that I had more time (and money) to be with my family when I wasn't working. I'm fully trained and experienced as an ESL instructor now, and worldwide, times are tough. That means there aren't whacks of eager ESL travellers pouring into BC to get an English experience abroad. They stay home, and spend the money there. So... shouldn't I go where they are? And (those of you familiar with my posts here) know that Nate and I are simultaneously compatible and diametrically opposed. I love him to bits... but. There's a but. He is so grounded, a home-soil, settle-down kind of guy. Is that something I should be, or is just something I am not?

Oh yeah... I forgot. I don't believe in 'should'.

The pluses now (after my outpouring of angst):
+ I am listening to CBC radio 3! I <3 it so...
+ It's Earth Hour tonight! Turn out your lights at 8:30PM!
+ I can do anything. I am taking steps to be ready for anything (read: work abroad).
+ I might get a mural contract for Kaleden... we're celebrating my hometown's 100th anniversary this year!
+ I am healthy. I have good friends, a place to live, food to eat, and nature all around (cold and soggy, but beautiful nonetheless)
+ I might finally be able to learn how to scuba dive! Whoooo Hoooo! Fingers crossed for that mural contract so I can shell out the cash for the lessons!
+ I'll say it again: I have good friends and family. Some of them only email me, some of them are almost never in any kind of touch at all. But I can feel the web of support and love they offer me-- I am so very blessed in this aspect.

Namaste...

Love, and love, and more love to you.

~Endrene

Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down. - Kobi Yamada

I found this quote on a friend's blog and couldn't resist it. Thank you, Maggie-Ann.

Oh, what a byooootiful morrrrninggggg... oh, what a beautiful day! I love it when I get in these moods. These chipper, gosh-golly-gee, ain't life grand, dorky, unabashedly optomistic moods. The fact that we are going whale watching on a sail boat this afternoon might have a lot to do with it.

The plein aire session last Wednesday was lovely. After strolling around the take a good look at my surroundings, I parked myself in the lot across from the Keawa'ali church and painted for a good three hours. Most of the other artists stopped by to say hello and see what I was up to, and when I was done, I strolled down to the beach to see what they were up to. Watercolour, pen-and-ink, pastel, studies for acrylics and oils. Everyone was so enthusiastic about my little study (which was undeniably uplifting), and they all wished me 'Aloha' as they filtered away. I stayed a little longer at the beach, painting a couple sitting serenely under a rainbow-coloured beach umbrella... pale cerulean sky, turquoise water, rusty sand... before packing up (all the other artists had called it a day by this point), I went over to the couple in the painting to share what I had done and offer them my web address-- in case they wanted to see the work possibly downloaded in the future. They were so thrilled to be part of an artwork that they offered to buy it from me. Of course, I couldn't say no! The painting will no doubt be hanging on the walls of their Wisconsin home, years from now. It gives me a warm feeling to think of the connection to people that my art has allowed me to have over the years.

The days between then and now have been spent in agony over my difficult project (I have 3 days left in Maui, and not a one of the four calligraphy projects are complete), and ecstasy over my surroundings. I have snorkeled nearly to my heart's content (there have been a few rainy days and days with high surf), I have walked and taken photos of every little plant and insect, I have coated myself in sticky masses of sunscreen and smiled nonstop at the world around me. Mary and Maile have been amazing-- both of them becoming good friends to me. I'm sorry to be missing Maile's 14th birthday this coming Friday.

Friday night I went to a stranger's birthday party, the invite coming from a friend of a friend-- and none of said friends in attendance at the party. But any apprehension I might have felt prior to my arrival was dashed away as I crossed the threshold; people in bandanas and dreadlocks warmly invited me in, and offered me glasses of sweet wine and pillows to sit on as I contemplated the enormous floorcloth that was to become Maya's birthday mural. An ART PARTY?! An art BIRTHDAY party?! Why have I never thought of this before? Damn, it was fun! The best part was definitely the people there... what a lovely mish-mash of eclectic world travelers and artistic spirits. I formed a connection with a sprite of a girl named Cori, and promised to return in December to help paint her VW van for her birthday. Daisies and peace signs and rainbows-- oh my! Can we say "dreams coming true" here, please?

Speaking of which, I have plans to see the sunrise from Haleakela crater tomorrow morning. This is one of those 'must do' things on my list of life's goals. And I'm going to do it.

Life is good. So good.

Mary's just gone to drop Maile off at school, then she'll come back to pick me up so that I can have her truck for the afternoon. I'm going to join a group of local Maui painters/artists that meet every Wednesday morning for plein aire sessions.

I'm a little anxious. I've only met one of the women who will be there once, and it's been a while since I've been creative in a group setting. I'm sure I'll get comfortable soon enough. If all else fails, I have my snorkel and a beach towel in my bag; I can always ditch and drive out to Makena beach.

The project isn't going as well as I'd like-- too many other fun things to do, and the math of the measurements has confounded me to the point that I am down to my final four precious pieces of paper. I'd really like to get this calligraphy done here, instead of having to complete it on the mainland. Then again, I haven't received any money for the work yet either. Ah, that's just an excuse not to do it. I better buckle down, nose to the grindstone, shoulder to the wheel, etc. etc. yada yada.

Time to go! Aloha!

Dear gods, I'm back. A variety of things kept me away for more than a month; dial-up internet, packing, moving, no internet, etc. But now-- ahhh, now. Now I am in Maui, enjoying the over-the-top hospitality of Mary and Maile, enjoying the scented air and the rattle of palm trees, enjoying the fact that even the weeds that grow up in the cracks of the sidewalks are different from the sidewalk crack weeds back home. And there's no snow here. Ahhhhhhhh. No snow.

This evening we walked down the road a bit as the sun was stalking the lower half of the sky, and met up with Pat, Mary's friend, and a designer of exquisite wedding cakes. The four of us dined at Kihei's best Japanese restaurant, Sansei. Ooh! Rainbow roll! The Yellow Submarine, and the Pink Cadillac! All signature Sansai sushi rolls. Good stuff. Pat was delightful-- one of those people you can have REAL conversation with-- once we were past the "what's your name, where you from, what do you do?" stage, we talked of self-exploration, growth, and yes... the habit of happiness.

Actually, I've met a lot of neat people so far. It's one of those special things about traveling alone-- it's a lot easier to connect with others when you aren't cocooning yourself in an existing relationship. I talked at length about family (both hers and mine) with a Philapina girl in the Crazy Shirts store in Wailea, and about what the culture shock was like for a girl named Janine who moved out here from Portland, Oregon. I talked with a retired NY State couple at the bus stop, and with a local guy walking his pit bull-black lab cross.

*** computer crashed at this point last night... thank you very much, auto-save...

Today was a little less frenetic-- I think a cold that has been stalking me for months has finally taken up residence in my chest. No snorkelling today... just nursing the sunburn I got on my back from the day before, drinking Coors lite, making a pot of chicken curry for Maile and Mary and Randy (Mary's boyfriend), and enjoying the cooler wetter weather from the relative safety of the lanai. Eventually I'll get to the project that brought me here-- I'm to do a set of four calligraphic copies of the Desiderata for a friend of Mary's. I suppose I could have just as easily done them and mailed them from Nanaimo... but then, I wouldn't be in Maui, would I?

Here's the Desiderata, first copyrighted by Max Ehrmann in 1927:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.