I am back in Nanaimo... I had only been living here for a week before I left and went off on my adventure in Maui. As a result, Maui feels more like 'home' than Nanaimo. I'm having difficulty adjusting to the cold, the gray weather, the wet, the dark clothing and scowling drug addicts. Did I mention that the house is a block up from where the local hookers display their wares? The promise of spring (cherry blossoms, baby lambs, et al.) is about all that keeps me interested in my environment. Still, I can't help feeling annoyed that the sky isn't consistently blue, and there are no palm trees rattling merrily in the sea breeze...

I ought to be grateful for what is, while what is, is. And I can certainly do everything I can to make a more tropical place my 'home'. A few factors hold me back from this: a desire to please my family, and stay near(ish) to them; the feeling that it might be more 'grown-up' to tough it out and settle down on my home soil; the wanting to be close to my calming and solid partner, Nathan. Then again...

I'm done with winter. It used to be my favorite season, back when winter meant playing in the snow and skiing all season long. Who can afford to ski these days? And I would love a job, a regular job with regular income, and regular time off. Living somewhere far away (if it meant having a job) might actually mean that I had more time (and money) to be with my family when I wasn't working. I'm fully trained and experienced as an ESL instructor now, and worldwide, times are tough. That means there aren't whacks of eager ESL travellers pouring into BC to get an English experience abroad. They stay home, and spend the money there. So... shouldn't I go where they are? And (those of you familiar with my posts here) know that Nate and I are simultaneously compatible and diametrically opposed. I love him to bits... but. There's a but. He is so grounded, a home-soil, settle-down kind of guy. Is that something I should be, or is just something I am not?

Oh yeah... I forgot. I don't believe in 'should'.

The pluses now (after my outpouring of angst):
+ I am listening to CBC radio 3! I <3 it so...
+ It's Earth Hour tonight! Turn out your lights at 8:30PM!
+ I can do anything. I am taking steps to be ready for anything (read: work abroad).
+ I might get a mural contract for Kaleden... we're celebrating my hometown's 100th anniversary this year!
+ I am healthy. I have good friends, a place to live, food to eat, and nature all around (cold and soggy, but beautiful nonetheless)
+ I might finally be able to learn how to scuba dive! Whoooo Hoooo! Fingers crossed for that mural contract so I can shell out the cash for the lessons!
+ I'll say it again: I have good friends and family. Some of them only email me, some of them are almost never in any kind of touch at all. But I can feel the web of support and love they offer me-- I am so very blessed in this aspect.

Namaste...

Love, and love, and more love to you.

~Endrene